Finally got an answer why my husband decided to terminate our marriage.
"I appreciate you are angry and upset but I would respectfully like to avoid yet another of our many arguments.
The reason I left: Because I could no longer go on living with you, it had seriously affected my happiness in life and I had to leave.
Please respect my decision and do not assume that I am interested in any confrontation, especially at work. This is my final word and I will not be discussing this any further.
I hope you come to terms with my decision in time and move on.
I wish you the best."
exact words from his email.
am i the only one that still thinks he hasn't bothered to give any real explanation?
3.5 years of what?!
My answer is priceless i think. let me know if you think i went out with style.
"I agree that i can be frustrating to put up with . But you not showering for up to 3 days at a time, not washing your hands after you poo, not brushing your teeth day in and day out for nearly a week, leaving me to do all the housework because you 'weren't coping', being ignored for nearly 8 hours on a saturday for lame loosers on the other side of the world on your ps3, not seeing you for 6 hours on a worknight because of your addiction to the internet, being ignored and lied to when i begged you to get sleep because i was worried you would crash and be killed or lose your job from fatigue...this is the sort of thing i had to put up with.
If i had known this marriage would give you the opportunity to become the most frustrating, lazy, selfish, self-indulgent man-child possible, i would not have agreed to marry you.
If you just wanted someone to cook, clean, iron and handle your bills for you why didn't you just stay home with your mother?
I too wish you the best. But it's only going to be the best you that you want. All you do is work, eat and sit on your arse playing games and surfing the net.
Ok, i wish you the best and greatest happiness on your journey to becoming an overweight, toothless, diabetic, smelly, unspiritual slob poisoned by his own fecal matter."
My god. He's really a... Don't have words enough.
But your response was really good, my lady! =D
I can't believe that after 3 and a half years of marriage, he could sit and wrote an email like that. Like an work-email. So cold. No real explanations... And sort of 'do not stalking me' beyond the lines... Don't like this at all.
I'm with you, intrepid, even if I'm here from a month almost, but I'm with you =)))))
..as I recall you don't have children right? Start Divorce proceedings ASAP. Since he has moved back to his mothers, demand support until you re-marry. All credit cards and dept are to be divided equally. (unless it is in HIS name) If you want you can contest that he had an online emotional affair that neglected you emotionally and physically.
I can't think much else. *HUGS* I'm so sorry this loser ate 4+ years of your life. (yes, 4+, until those papers are signed. He will be thorn until then. Always. -_- )
You at least will come out stronger Emotionally with experience. *Hugs again*
I hope you felt better after getting that off your system, because due to the level of self obsessed delusion displayed thus far, I think it's going to be lost on him for at least another two years, possibly longer. Sounds like he wanted the freedom and independance of living out of home but the reality that you're not his mother and never going to act like it was a rude awakening.
I was mentally banging my head on the desk while reading his email. Couldn't do it physically as I'd get blood everywhere and give myself a headache and keyboard is dicky as is. That's one relationship that may be best terminated I think. How are you going?
You went out with badass, ma'am, not just style ;)
Thank you my friend.
My god. He's really a... Don't have words enough.
But your response was really good, my lady! =DI can't believe that after 3 and a half years of marriage, he could sit and wrote an email like that. Like an work-email. So cold. No real explanations... And sort of 'do not stalking me' beyond the lines... Don't like this at all.
I'm with you, intrepid, even if I'm here from a month almost, but I'm with you =)))))
Love having you along for the ride. The saga continues anyway, i'm still burning with a lot of weirdo emotions. something someone said yesterday set off my anger again and i had to walk for an hour just to calm down.
To be honest, i believe its his mum that typed that email response, just like she and her daughter have been doing all the corresponding. they are so full of "we love you" crap but they won't even let me over there to speak with him face to face. i threatened to go to his work to get answers.
chance of reconciliation? not looking likely. mummy has to protect the baby from his emotional booboos.
..as I recall you don't have children right? Start Divorce proceedings ASAP. Since he has moved back to his mothers, demand support until you re-marry. All credit cards and dept are to be divided equally. (unless it is in HIS name) If you want you can contest that he had an online emotional affair that neglected you emotionally and physically.I can't think much else. *HUGS* I'm so sorry this loser ate 4+ years of your life. (yes, 4+, until those papers are signed. He will be thorn until then. Always. -_- )
You at least will come out stronger Emotionally with experience. *Hugs again*
I love your fire whipblade. he is not legally bound by australian law to pay maintenance. as long as he forks out for his share of final expenses he meets is obligations. i do fortunately have a place to go. parents have taken me in and my fluffy son Xavier, who has settled in well considering he isn't sure what he's doing half the time.
i've split the credit card bill down the middle up to the day he left and he has turned all financial savings and the bond refund into my care to pay his half of the bills but i won't be seeing a cent out of him after this.
we have to be separated for a year for divorce proceedings to go ahead. its to stop couples getting hot-headed and then changing their minds 6months later but i dont think that happen to him.
Thanks for the double hugs. made my day. going to pass one on to the cat though. can't hog everything.
I hope you felt better after getting that off your system, because due to the level of self obsessed delusion displayed thus far, I think it's going to be lost on him for at least another two years, possibly longer. Sounds like he wanted the freedom and independance of living out of home but the reality that you're not his mother and never going to act like it was a rude awakening.I was mentally banging my head on the desk while reading his email. Couldn't do it physically as I'd get blood everywhere and give myself a headache and keyboard is dicky as is. That's one relationship that may be best terminated I think. How are you going?
Lol! hope you've wiped the figurative blood off the keyboard. you said it. he is a very disillusioned young man-child. i can't believe it still sometimes. those in the 'advising' area of my professional aspects of life have given me some tips on how to handle queries but i don't like saying i'm separated. he deserted me, simple as that. so i've come up with a sentence that cover it, not make people uncomfortable and still satisfy my emotions on the matter.
i'm coping. better than expected sometimes. other times people can't believe i'm so up and bubbly. but i can't be bothered acting like i'm waiting for him to 'come to his senses and be with me again'. that fairytale crap can go die along with the frustrations i had with living with him.
i've got a rollercoaster of emotions sometimes. yesterday morning really sucked but i guess it was better over and done with. i'm planning to just enjoy myself for the next 6 months, finish my massage qualification, catch up with friends (you included) and get very fit and healthy.
he pretty much was crushing my health. i have the fitness of a 70 year old apparently my health professionals have told me. i'll get organised after the holidays, got blood tests etc to do.
sister is going to give me a gym membership and i'm changing my routine so i'm getting sleeping earlier at night and getting up more with the early morning. i'm tired of living like a zombie.
i've deleted all the deserters numbers and emails (recorded them for emergencies) and am trying to resist the urge to go round there and confront him.
i have a few mini-weekends away planned and Mamma Morning is going to have me over with her family for 2-3weeks in April. Just have to organise the ticket.
Hugs to you and all the family
No one needs to read this thread if they can't be bothered but i'm just adding updates as i feel like. helps me to deal with the healing process. thanks for the comments. they have helped heaps.
i rang and cancelled his may dentist appointment. told them he can organise his own from now on. hahahahhah
Sorry, but that actually made me laugh :P Catching up would be awesome, and I'll try to remind you closer to the time to say hi to Mama Morning from us fossils ;)
*Hugs* Interpid, you can update all you want. It's good to know what's keeping you going and the updates assure the rest of us you are still strong. *Hugs* We all love you and want to make sure you are and stay that way. :) We know when to jump and hug you more if you need it. *Huggles*
XD I bet he won't even remember he has an apt. by the time May rolls around. XD
Feel free to update. I'm watching over to know how you're doing... It's the only way to be on your side, because it's hard to jump here from where I live ^^"""
Btw, I would really know if he really *can* remember the apt. I want a time-machine! =P
*Hugs*
Had a hard start to the week, especially Monday - ended up smashing my fist into the back of a chair to distract the mental torture going on in my brain. I started crying and dribbling snot out of my nose, so attractive, while at work. mum comes tearing out of the massage room and gives me a hug. thankfully the client is more of a friend than a client so she ended up spending time keeping me calm till mum finished with the next appointment, who was a rep. then we went for a coffee to get me out of the clinic. i was sooooo tempted to jump in the car and drive over to his parents' house and demand answers before that, thus why the outrage against the poor chair.
my aunty ended up texting from her holiday of recuperation and kept us in hysterics with her comments on my hubby's behaviour.
next 48hrs was still tough but more bearable. thursday, though, was weird. ended up having massive dream about hubby coming back home, wanting to set up house again and my dream self is saying 'no, not yet, not ready, you'll have to make changes' etc. hubby dream persona looked at me, and then ran away. and so did his mum and sister. they all fled like they were being chased by wild dogs. it was so stupid yet it resolved something inside my subconscious. felt more myself afterwards.
and this is the best thing of the whole week. friday i got this urge to go and check the mail at my rental. i wasn't in the mood for it because i had already spent most of thursday morning there, but i did have to bring the bins in. turned out my sweet hearted neighbours had done it for me so i just had to get the mail. there were 3 envelopes, 2 with a yellow trim round the outside and one with a green trim with hubby's name on it. i took them home to my folks place, assuming they were all to do with the different mail redirections we had setup and i was just going to throw his out. i got the feeling i should double-check it anyway, just in case the mail redirection had stuffed up so i tore into his envelope to discover his new bankcard had been sent through to the old address.
now, he has had his mail redirection organised (from my estimations) at least 2-3 days before he left me. why his new account card has come through 2-3weeks after it was set up is beyond me. his pin notification came through on the monday after he left me, but i didn't burn it or tear it up. i let them know about it. stupid in-laws wanted us to drop it off at the sister's place. we told them no, come get it. they didn't so i chucked it into the stuff that he wasn't going to take, till i reminded the idiots they didn't have his college reports or school reports. that got them moving.
well, i was sick and tired of being treated like i don't exist by them. i showed my parents the card and told him i wasn't going to be notifying them about it. if they don't want to communicate with me, i don't want to bother wasting time and money on organising it this time. they were in complete agreement.
the great thing about it is, public holiday on monday, so he can't ring the bank till tuesday at the earliest. and i'm not sure how long it will be before he realises it is missing in the mail. so he might have to dig into his cash savings or borrow off his parents for a while cos it takes 3-5 working days to get a card organised.
I nearly wet myself laughing over the whole idea. and i'm pretty sure he hasn't applied for a credit card because he never approved of them. LOL ROFL
i am a flower..lalalallalaaa
Hang in there. It'll be really hard at first but it will get easier.
It'll also be worth it as it sounds like you'll be much better off in the long run.
He isn't worth the trouble and you deserve much better. His own actions caused him to become more distant... caring more about his own gratification he self indulged in activities purely for himself and being too lazy to help out as it was all a chore to him and eventually so to did the relationship become one for him and his lazy selfish attitude.
Enjoy life, enjoy your freedom and be yourself. There will be ups and downs, especially so soon after but eventually there will be clear sailing ahead and you'll feel better than you have in a very long time.
Can't do much with the double post. But Sis
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJfFZqTlWrQ <-- Listen learn and sing XD It cheers me up when I need something angry.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaSy8yy-mr8 <-- Wrong Theme, but that car sounds like good therapy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-mwq7_6asY <-- Left and broken but you are an Amazon he brought out. ^_^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_gL0U7yM4M <-- Love is war.
*hugs* I don't know if this is any help.
The new year is always brighter.
Just found out that i have to get the bond disposal form signed by the royal runaway-as-fast-as-you-can before i can get the money back from the bond deposit. so now i have to go chasing his signature again. boy this sucks.
hoping he'll just want to get rid of me and sign it quickly and that's the end of it. he told us in an email via his mum that he was leaving the rest of the money to me anyway so i could take care of his half of the bills.
oh alright, you got me! i need the moolah for america cos i had to use the savings fund to pay his half so i need to replenish what was used.
serves me right for thinking i could pull the wool over your eyes.... :)
Stay strong, Intrepid! I had to deal with someone like that very briefly, and save for the loss of my four furry kids, I now laugh at his failure of an existance... I know ALL about the failure to shower thing, this guy in the space of a month and a half that I was there didn't shower save for the four times I rode his ass like a madwoman. I threatened to unplug his computer if he didn't, and he KNEW I would! He kicked me out because I wouldn't have sex with him, but can you really blame me there? ^^;
One song I really like for when I'm feeling aggro is Don't Say A Word by SOnata Arctica... Look 'em up on YouTube, that is THE best Hate You song EVER! ;) Followed by UKJ's Everything About You... I'll have to see if I can get a recording of that at karaoke some night... XD I always bring the house down with it!
Whoot; finally back to posting after a long hiatus of school/work
I'm sorry to hear about all that is going on Intrepid. From what I gathered, this guy is an a-grade a**hole who doesnt deserve you. You deserve way better than him. Speaking of which, this would probably a great song to play to him (or at the very least lsiten to): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy9S6U7kPlI
And yeah...issues with exes are always rough. But know you got people here who care/support ya.
Well, good news....I'm booked for USA with Mamma Mornings family for a month. :)
just waiting for idiot's family to send back the bond disposal form so i can get the last of my money for the trip.
thank you for your continued support everyone
Oh boy, what fun. just spent 2 days at a seminar i couldn't get out of. bit hard to cope with being cooped up for that long. sat night, had a nice time treating family to dinner along with a wonderful male friend who all helped out with the move from my ex-rental to parents' house.
saw burlesque on sun evening. only my mum, sister and her girl-friend enjoyed it. i was still trying to work out why a movie that could have taken 1.5hours had to be dragged out to 2.5 hrs and still nothing really happened. i blame the guy-mate from dinner. he said he wanted to see it. shame on him! lol
then my sister got upset and insisted i not park my car so far forward of hers - reason unspecified - and i chucked a sad and told mum i was pissing off cos i wasn't coping. turned out it was just over-reaction to emotional turmoil. i got a little bit overstimulated from all the seminar info and the hormonal ups and downs were driving me nuts. it culminated with me bawling my eyes out at my grandmother's at 10pm at night. i shocked the living daylights (or nightlights) out of them when i rocked up unannounced but i didn't know where else to go.
it was quite hiliarious once i settled down. i had my grandmother sitting in a bra and her special 'depends' on one side of me and my aunty in her quite sexy one piece nightie on the other. i laughed and apologised for gatecrashing their lingerie party and that set them off too.
it felt better to laugh. and at least i didn't end up crashing and killing someone on the road.
love and hugs to you all
I am sooooo immature! i got agro again so i went on idiot's youtube account and put 'dislike' on all of his stuff. he's had nothing but positive comments on his stuff so i enjoyed messing with his track record. i felt like putting a link here and asking anyone who was bored to do the same....lol
It's all cool. Honestly you need an outlet for your rage. He caused it so he's a good target haha.
Interp... I would SO do that! XD
Interp... I would SO do that! XD
ROFL! Should've known i was in the right place for some fun. You might change your mind when you see his stuff. i thought he was pretty damn good...now i just want to be a wee bit annoying.
here's the link if you get bored: http://www.youtube.com/user/lazysleepingdog
What a fitting name, too *facepalms*
I'm feeling rather immature and cheeky again. Help me out with some retorts:
Here's the scenario. I dreamt my hubby was standing in front of me and i wanted to give one hell of a retort about his behaviour but i woke up just before i start firing up. Most disappointing.
If you have a creative cell available, can you throw out a few funny lines. you know the gist of his behaviour. i'm itching to hear whatever you can come up with.
My favourite out of my own head "My cat is neutered but he's got more balls than you do. How is that even possible?"
I'm feeling rather immature and cheeky again. Help me out with some retorts:Here's the scenario. I dreamt my hubby was standing in front of me and i wanted to give one hell of a retort about his behaviour but i woke up just before i start firing up. Most disappointing.
If you have a creative cell available, can you throw out a few funny lines. you know the gist of his behaviour. i'm itching to hear whatever you can come up with.
My favourite out of my own head "My cat is neutered but he's got more balls than you do. How is that even possible?"
How about 'You know even the dead have the common courtesy to LEAVE and STAY gone!' or 'Make like a leaf and LEAVE!' 'Make Like a Banana and SPLIT!'
Uhuhuhuhu!
Youtube work: done.
You might change your mind when you see his stuff. i thought he was pretty damn good...
He could be better than Spielberg (but I don't think so). But I don't care.
When someone's such a @*§head (well I was near to write it in italian XDD lol!), there's no possibility for me to forgive, or even barely enjoy related-stuff.
'Right, maybe I'm too extreme, but... It's me XP
Hugs!
Thanks team. legendary stuff.
Oh, found out from a source over the week that he told his family that i was "always bossing him around, constantly screaming at him, he was on eggshells cos he never knew when i was going to blow up and he could never please me. that he dreaded coming home and that he felt he would make me happier if he moved out, and at least when he was gone i'd have a roof over my head....in other words, he's a real victim here....oh and that he's exercising."
how the hell was i supposed to pay $380AUS per week on my own? i would have $50 each week to pay bills and food. oh, nd the lease was going to be up in april anyway! it's not like i had people lined up to rent with me you selfish a-hole! oh yes, i eventually had a roof over my head thanks to my family's loving generosity. but i had to lose 90% of my furniture so i could move into their place and their shed. i bet my dad just lllooooooves having all my crap in his shed 24/7. well thought out. i really appreciate the 5mins notice you gave me that you were leaving...or had already left.
i never wanted you to move out. i thought you were suicidal you dumb schmuck, not bolting to your mother's skirt. i would have been happier for you to move to one end of the house than throw the whole marriage away like used toilet paper.
and the 'screaming' was actually repeated asking, also known in husband land as nagging. but that's your fault for not doing anything and leaving it to me to all the time, how unusual. *dripping sarcasm*
not pleasing me is true...i had to have some expectations, or i wouldn't be human...like you would shower at night on a regular basis, not every 3rd day and end up stinking like a sewer rat. scratch that, i'd rather sleep with a sewer-rat now i think about it. at least IT would have been happy to come to bed before 1pm on a worknight.
the most laughable thing is that he dreaded coming home. that's funny, i remember constantly trying to get you out of the house couch-potato king!
and the whole exercise thing is a farce, he hates exercising! if he is doing anything it was cos i stung him with my derision of where he was heading in life when i sent my reply to his 'reasons', or cos his family are doing something as a group. he never wanted to do anything with me unless i pushed. he ended up looking like a biggest loser failure cos of it.
i don't feel so bad telling everyone about one of his grosser addictions now.
You went out with badass, ma'am, not just style ;)
Maybe strong is what you have left when you use up all your weak. -Unknown
[Oberon], I imagine when you talk to people in real life it is like watching a building fall down. -Nachlader