You are here

Vinnie and Charley Celebrate Valentine's Day

The Prodigal Fan - posted on 14 Feb 2009 @ 8:35am

[i]Once more our hapless hero battles perils in the lists of love...[/i]

* * *

Today, Vinnie and Charley are going to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Do you know what Valentine’s Day is? Valentine’s Day is yet another religious festival hijacked for commercial reasons. Do you know what a cynic is? Prodigal does.
Vinnie isn’t sure what to do on Valentine’s Day, so he decides to ask some ladies for advice. Wise Vinnie. First, he goes to see Miss Dagger. Miss Dagger is a gunsmith. Can you guess why she and Vinnie are friends?
“Hello, Vinnie” says Miss Dagger.
“Hello, Miss Dagger” says Vinnie. What fun! Miss Dagger asks,
“What can I do for you?”
“I’m trying to think of something nice for Charley on Valentine’s Day” says Vinnie. “I thought you might be able to help, because you are a female of the opposite gender.”
“Well spotted” says Miss Dagger. Do you know what sarcasm is? Miss Dagger does. Miss Dagger says, “How about a present? If I were Charley, I would like a large, heavy gun.”
“That sounds fun!” says Vinnie.
“I have one you could try” says Miss Dagger. “Why don’t you try it on my private firing range.”
“Yes, please!” says Vinnie. Vinnie tries the gun out, but then decides Charley wouldn’t like it. See Vinnie buy it for himself, anyway.
Next, Vinnie goes to see Carbine.
“Hello, Vinnie!” says Carbine.
“Hello, Carbine!” says Vinnie. What larks!
“How can I help you?” says Carbine.
“I’m trying to think of something nice for Charley on Valentine’s Day” says Vinnie. “You are a female of the opposite gender. What would you like?”
“I get bored with field rations” says Carbine. “On special occasions, I like Throttle to take me out for a proper cooked meal.”
“That sounds nice” says Vinnie. “Do you think Charley would like hotdogs and root beer?” See Carbine smack Vinnie’s head on the table. When Vinnie has recovered, he goes to see Harley. Harley is working on a broken motorbike.
“Hello, Harley” says Vinnie.
“Hello, Vinnie” says Harley. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m trying to think of something to do for Charley on Valentine’s Day” says Vinnie. “You are a female of the opposite gender. Can you help?” Do you know what tact is? Vinnie doesn’t. Harley says,
“Whilst I think, pass me the large spanner”. Vinnie kindly passes Harley the tool kit, but it slips from her fingers. Whoops! Silly Harley. Harley suggests red roses are always popular. Vinnie thinks it is a good idea, and to thank her, helps her fix the motorbike. It takes a long time, but at last it is finished.
Afterwards, Vinnie buys the flowers, and goes to see Charley.
“Happy Valentine’s Day” he says. Romantic Vinnie.
“These are lovely flowers” says Charley.
“I’m glad you like them” says Vinnie. “They were suggested by Harley.”
“Oh, yes?” says Charley. See the warning signs.
“Yes” says Vinnie. “I wasn’t sure what to get you, so I asked some other females of the opposite gender. First I went to Miss Dagger. She said she wanted something big and hard, and took me out the back for a few rounds. Afterwards I saw Carbine. Carbine said she wanted something hot inside her, then she banged me on her desk. Finally I went to see Harley. She wanted my big tool, then she dropped them. We were at it for hours.” How many roses can you stuff in a mouse’s mouth? Charley could manage all twelve! Poor Vinnie.

Whipblade's picture
Overseer
Arbiter
Offline
Joined: 21 Oct 2005

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! OOOO Poor Vinnie!!! >_

*goes back to coloring*

Noroi's picture
Provost Marshal
Offline
Joined: 29 Oct 2008

Oh... wow. >_

The Prodigal Fan's picture
Offline
Joined: 04 Oct 2006

Glad you like it!

Arko (not verified)
Arko's picture

Made my day!

Cracking up laughing, poor tactless Vinnie.

Kat86 (not verified)
Arko's picture

Hahaha! *Smirks knowingly.*
Nice! Leave it to Vinnie!

The Prodigal Fan's picture
Offline
Joined: 04 Oct 2006

Thanks!

Poor poor Vinnie.

goddessrhiannon's picture
Offline
Joined: 11 Jan 2008

*ROFL* that's so funny!! Poor Vinnie, he has to learn how to TALK with ladies *giggle*

The Prodigal Fan's picture
Offline
Joined: 04 Oct 2006

Thank you! Poor Vinnie - he's just a helpless innocent.

kashito91's picture
Offline
Joined: 11 Dec 2007

LOL!!!!!!

Maybe you should do one where Vinnie watches Top Gear for 96 hours straight...
or would that be too hard?

The Prodigal Fan's picture
Offline
Joined: 04 Oct 2006

I think Vinnie and Top Gear should be kept far apart for safety reasons. In any case, I'm not sure that he'd approve of the general lack of bikes on the show.

kashito91's picture
Offline
Joined: 11 Dec 2007

don't be so sure. The Vietnam special, which is going on the screens next monday, is the only mode of transport available to them. Either way, It would be funny to see Vinnie go ape at them or somethihng... :-)

Either that or he gets hypnotised by it and he grades everyone's bikes *EVIL LAUGH*

Bikachic's picture
Offline
Joined: 26 Mar 2007

Hahahah I'm catching up on my fanfics so excuse the late comment but I must say it: You've done it again! Prodigal, those "Vinnie sticks foot in mouth" fanfics always have me laughing. Poor Vinnie. He needs to learn how to use context. ;-)

The Prodigal Fan's picture
Offline
Joined: 04 Oct 2006

Thank you!

Artaith-21's picture
Offline
Joined: 27 Jan 2014

LOL way too funny.  A very creative play on words and scenarios.